Today's blog brought to you by the letters D and B and the number 1

So, today actually didn't start out too badly. I had a mountain of paperwork, but that's ok, I always do.

Let me tell you a little bit about my job, without telling too much. I work in Heath Care. I am a phlebtomist. For those of you who don't speak medical-ese, I take blood for diagnostic testing.

For the record, I have been doing this for 14 years. I am pretty good at my job.

This afternoon, I had a pretty busy spurt. A couple came into my office, I'll call them Mr and Mrs X. Mrs X was my patient. I have taken care of her before. She is ill, to say the least. This was the first time in 2010 I have seen her, but I saw her a bunch of times in 09. Since then, she has gone downhill. I don't know what her diagnosis is, and I wouldn't share it here, but she's not getting better.

Mr X had to help her get to my chair, and then he proceeded to stand in the way of all of my supplies, making my job a little bit difficult. He was holding her chin, because he said he didn't want her to hang her head.
Fine. I'll adjust. It's what I do.

Then the only arm I can use naturally doesn't have good veins. I manage to find one, and stick it, and of course, she begins moving her arm, and I lose the vein. The bloodflow slows and practically stops. The doctor orders a lot of testing too, of course. But I did get most of what he wanted. I didn't have enough for ONE test. Believe me, I was frustrated with myself.

Mr X, decides to start staying very nasty things to his wife, about me, and I am literally, 2 feet away from him. I can hear him. He is saying things like "well she sure stinks at her job" and "why would they hire someone that incompetent". My boss, calls the reference lab to see if what we have will be good enough. From the phone call, he doesn't think it will.

The husband is in the mean time, really starting to yell at me. Telling me to "get on with it" telling me "stick her again if you're going to" and in between all that again saying that "you should have known it wasn't going to work before you stuck her the first time" "don't they teach you that in school, don't stick the vein if it won't work" "don't you know how to do your job?" "why do you work here if you can't do your job" blah blah blah.

I said "Sir, I am doing the best I can, Mrs X, moved her arm while the needle was in the vein, and that made the needle go THROUGH the vein, there is not much I can do" He says "well obviously, sweetie, your best isn't good enough"

So I am flustered. I bit my tongue, HARD. And I tried to find another vein. I found a tiny possiblity.....I really didn't want to stick it, but I didn't want Mr X yelling in my face anymore either. So, I attempt to stick this vein. It did not work. Mr X then really loses his shit, and starts yelling that he is going to call the doctor and tell him how I "abused" his wife. Then he demands her paper work back, and says he is going to take her somewhere else. I very politely hand her paper back, and he tears it from my hands, and says "I better not be charged for ANYTHING. I don't want ANY of the testing done here, if they hire someone as stupid as you, the other people back there might be just as stupid, and I don't want anything else screwed up. You should be fired" Now this whole time, that Mr X is going off, his wife, who is very sweet, was defending me.

Now these are the things I wanted to say to Mr X, but didn't:

a) I am not stupid.
b) I am DAMN good at my job.
c) You are a douche bag.
d) It is not my fault that you had a bad day.
e) I was not trying to hurt your wife, and if you had listened to her at all, you would have heard her say "calm down, she's not hurting me"
f) My co workers are also not stupid. They both have bachelor's degrees in science--real science, like chemistry or biology, plus they had to go to another school, to get their licensing for the testing they do, every day. They are smarter than you, you fucking piece of shit.
g) If you ever come back to my office I will refuse to take care of you. Unless you are coming to apologize, and even then, I won't take care of you.
h) Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and here's a huge middle finger just for you, to tell you how number 1 I think you are.


Happy fucking asshole Monday.

March 22, 2010

I'm not into blogging today. I still haven't adjusted to the time change, our stupid machine at work wasn't working today, I have a mountain of paperwork to catch up on (and that makes me feel stabby for other reasons that I won't be getting into), and it's cold and rainy today.

At least it's not cold and snowy though.

Fuck you Monday.

March 15, 2010

As the first Spring Foward Monday of 2010, you suck. My body is not fooled by your hocus pocus time moving wizardry. My body knows that it's still only 5 am!
Kiss my ass for the rest of the week, and probably next. More sunlight in the day is not really worth it, when I want to sleep. I hate going to work in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

Anyway. You want to know why else I hate you today Monday? Painful Lady Business testing, that's why. Eat shit and die. And give me a hysterectomy before you're done.


On an up note (shocking!) Phil found a nice blog that said some really cool things about his first band, Red Sky. He was all sorts of excited, and was dying to show it off. So you get one cool point, Monday. One point only.

Don't let it go to your head.

March 8, 2010

Dear internet,
Have you ever started off a day really well, and then watched it turn into shit? You have??? I'm not the only one??? Really???

Today started out ok. I woke up on time...got to work on time, started getting things done..

and then...

Monday. You bastard. There was some screwy computer shit going on that just happened to be while I was with a somewhat bitchy patient. Not cool. Then the screwy shit migrated to the computers in the back lab. The computers that HAVE to be logged in and running or the machines won't work. Yeah? Well, too bad! Computers are being logged off and you can suck it!

So, we are waiting for the the computers to come back up, when the courier brings the afternoon fuckload of work. 37 bags of specimens. THIRTY SEVEN. There are TWO of us. ONE of whom cannot run any machines (ME!). So, my poor co worker is probably STILL there trying to get the work done. At 330 when I left, it wasn't even done SAMPLING the specimens yet. Yeah........uh.....that sucks, dude.

In other news...here's a story about how shit on a Sunday can carry over to Monday.
There's this girl...we'll call her Barbie. Barbie has this boyfriend, we'll call him Ken, that no one really likes. Not Barbie's family, friends...no one. They've had a rocky relationship. Ken is kind of a jealous asshole. Always makes Barbie account for where she is going, who she's with, and God help her if there is *gasp!* a MAN in the bunch! Oh no! Barbie has so little regard and respect for her relationship that she might be over come with lust and strip naked and jump on this or any other random penis in the room!!! (that's seriously what Ken thinks).

Well, last night, our Barbie gets a PHONE CALL. From Ken's EX GIRLFRIEND. Who tells her that things aren't really in the EX category. Ken, of course, doesn't want to talk about it. He says "it's not like it was the whole time we were together". And then, Ken just stops answering his phone!!!! WTF??? Does he care about Barbie or not?? (sounds like an 'or not' to me) The kicker is...the ex girlfriend is also the mother of his child, so it's not like he can swear to never speak to her again. So, Barbie is devastated, and confused, and hurt. Safe to say her Monday is fucked. I am pretty sure she took the day off work. So, long story short...Sunday is almost as much of a bitch as Monday. I'm watching you, Sunday.


Oh, you want to know more about Barbie and Ken?? I don't know much more. I hope Barbie wises up and kicks Ken to the curb...but girls like Barbie, don't like to be alone. So she just might end up taking his STD infected ass back. Here's a tip, Barbie, go to the clinic, get yourself checked, and wrap it up!

In like a lion..

Well, well, well, well, well Monday. You're March 1st. Goody for you. You bring spring, and I like spring, but I hate you. You're still an asshole.

I am bitchy as hell today. Why you ask so nicely, interwebz? I'll tell you. But first...shit's about to get TMI up in here, so if you don't want to know anything about my Lady Business, I suggest you get the eff out of this blog. Ok? Still with me? You're brave, internetz. I like that.

Here we go. My Lady Business seems to not know when to stop bleeding. We are on DAY ELEVEN of the Never Ending Period. DAY.ELEVEN. Normal Lady Biz knows to shut the fuck up in about 5-7 days. Not mine! Oh no, she wants to stay up all night long and chat. And by chat, I mean....well you know. I am in and out of the bathroom at least once every other hour. It's not fun, nor is it attractive. Lady Business? Give it a fucking rest before I ask the doctor to remove you. Comprende? Good.

Now, on to Monday. Monday sucks because I am sleep deprived. It is not fun to get out of bed on and off all night long. My workday was relatively easy today, so thanks for that.

Now, could there be anyone in the world that is MORE bitchy than me, internetz? The answer is: yes.

Phil is more bitchy than me, good interwebz. Why? Because when the Lady Business Amusement Park is out of order, he doesn't get to go on his favorite ride. If I didn't have a "thing" against us sharing our private parts with other people, I'd totally give him a pass. Unless of course a celebrity from his "list" shows up, naked and throwing herself at him....then he's allowed. Because let me tell you, internetz, if David Duchovny showed up here wanting to do the no pants dance, hemorrhaging Lady Biz or not, I am all over that.